Harsh day

People ALWAYS think they are the one whose right. ALWAYS. That includes me and you. I was angry 8 hours ago, so angry that i can feel my body was shaking while i was drinking water to break my fast. I wrote a post and had to remove it because it was poorly written as anger influenced me. After calming myself up i decided to post this.

Yesterday, i went to Kak Yani's place JUST to give her a pack of bubur lambuk. My pure and only intention. Plus it was my bday so i really want to see the people that i care about. She shared with me her problem and i listened. Had a deep thought about it and gave out my own opinion. I was quite suprised with the issue she raised but i am not the one involved. Thats what friends are for, you listened to your friends problem but not necessarily make it your own. So I continued my life afterwards.

Today, i was questioned why i hangout with them (she and her husband) so much. My credibility as the Vice President of MSA was on the line. I was sort of accused for being bias and putting so much room for their thoughts and concern in my decision making. I became angry because it hurt me so bad when people judge me like that.

Heres the clear cut. I have a team! We make decision together! If we have suggestion from outside source we throw them on our meeting table and come up with a final solution. Ideas and opinion from the team members are equally important. There is no such thing as "kuasa vito" in this year's team. So before you judge me on the decision im making please bear in mind that whatever comes out, they are passed through the agreement of at least 4 people.

Yes we've made mistakes in the past months and we are recovering. We have our plans and we always do a post moterm with our decision making. My teammates are not a bunch of incapable leaders. I visioned this opportunity being in the team as a learning experience. Its okay to make mistake if we learn from it at the end of the day. And we did ..so far. So dont judge.

Next, i am a student if some of you have not notice or forget about that important fact. As an international student i had high expectation to the community i am in but unfortunately i had a harsh start with the Malay students when i first came here and decided to stay away from them just so i dont be judged or get in trouble. I was torn with the experienced i had during my first few days here because of them and that hit me real hard so i decided to trained myself to be totally independent. It was not easy but it was definitely one of the best decision i have ever made.

But i get to know a few incredible Malaysians along the way and they succesfully pulled me into the community. I was not impress at all because i knew who these students are and not very happy with their attitude (at that particular time) but im just going with the flow. Later on i get attached with some of them (the group of people who made me join the community) and that makes me involved a lot more. This is a group of inspiring people. They inspire me to study harder, to try grabbing more opportunities, to be daring in my actions, to trully love my fellow friends, to share my thoughts and concerns, and more importantly to learn and love Islam more. So there i was being a naive junior trying to be just like them with a hint of my own carefree attitude.

But they have left me now. Happily graduated and safe and sound in Malaysia. Searching for the oportunity to fulfill their dreams. And here i am, stucked in the middle of the community and try to adjust my seat as a friend, a senior, a student, a scholar and a leader. I took it as a challenge anyway.

I grow up a lot here; from being a lone ranger in my first semester without having more than 4 Malaysian friends and to being recognized by the whole community. I have to admit being an unknown is a lot more fun than being on the board. Why?

Because it gets so irritating when people around me start to make decision on who i should see and who i should be friend with. Are you out of your mind? I went to Kak Yani's place yesterday JUST to give her a pack of bubur lambuk and that was wrong?? She told me her problem and i listened and that was wrong?? Youve gotta be kidding me. And because of my sympathy to the situation, i was accused for being one sided and made my decision based only on their point of view. Former issue regarding mistransaction of money was used as evidence that i made an irresponsible decision and it was brought up just so i will not consider any of their opinion anymore since they have the tendency to make things "hard". Listen to yourself.

I CAN HAVE MY OWN OPINION! but like i said when it come to make decision for the benefits of all Malaysian students i dont make decision based only on my opinion. I cant! But when it come to life, i have the right to feel happy, sad, sorry, angry, or whatever the heck i want to feel. And you are telling me that i am bias just because i feel sorry for their situation? Really?! I CAN BE FRIENDS WITH WHOEVER I WANT!

They tend to make things "hard" ~ are you not?

Sorry if this sounds harsh but i will not discriminate people. When people share their ideas, suggestions and concern you take and evaluate them. It is because they CARE about you and the whole community. You dont go around saying "nope sir your opinion is blindly rejected because of who you are." maybe thats a leader 101 rule some people should be aware of. Would you rather hve a group of people who throws in ideas and suggestion or a silent and couldn't careless ones? Go figure.

Am i upset? Yes! Why dont you see whats going on right now? If you want to be discriminative type of people go ahead suit yourself but i wont. I dont discriminate anybody including you. Why would i be? I know how it feel to be alienated, i know how it feel to be judged, i know exactly how it feel to be on my own, and you expect me to do such things to other people? When i talk to the people who were also apart of Kak Yani's problem i dont hate them or have this ugly statements in my mind. I take them for who they are! I dont feel anything at all and most importantly I DONT JUDGE THEM!

Heres the thing, if i had an accident here where my family is so far away and i have only one number to call for help, who would i trust to help me out? That person is the one you should stick to and take them seriously. Out of two hundred Malaysians here who would YOU call for help and you are convince they WILL leave everything else and come help you out? Think about it. Now dont tell me im being bias because of people's kindness. If thats what you think, you seriously have some issue dude.

From now on i know there are things that we should just keep it to ourselves. Jumpe orang ni salah kawan dgn orang tu salah. Apebende ni? When a sad story of a person become a happy news for others and vice versa, be careful.

May Allah forgive us. This is a harsh day and i am upset to feel upset. Need to elevate my patience and knowledge insyaAllah. God knows best.